Social Events/Gatherings

In the last five days, I've attended a play, a fundraiser-type event, a funeral service, a bridal shower, and a general social gathering (BBQ), and I felt the need, per se, to comment on them. I think social events/gatherings can say a lot about human nature. After all, we are indeed social creatures. As I've said before, we really do need other people in our lives, much as some may argue, and much as some may hate to admit it. But truly, we do need to be with others. And there are innumerable ways of doing that.

Some ways are more interactive than others. For example, a BBQ holds more opportunity for interaction than, say, going out to a play. Some are more emotionally charged as in the case of a funeral service or perhaps a fundraiser, depending on what the funds are being raised for. Having run the full gamut of emotions this week (crying at funerals, and laughing at bridal showers) I really appreciate the diversity in my life. What's so amazing, is that this is available to all of us, in all our lives.

I invite you to think about your week, either just past, or coming up. Perhaps even extend that out to a month. What social events/gatherings did you attend. And, more importantly, WHY? Because to me, this is one of the most interesting questions to ask with regards to social events. When there are so many choices, so many varied activities, what is it that makes one choose an event over another? As mentioned in my 20 Things I've Learned This Year, Opportunity Cost is very prevalent in most peoples' decision making process. So, how do we rule out what we attend, and what we don't, and which cost is the least, and which benefit is the best? And are we always right?


Some gatherings are no brainers. Funerals are a good example of this. It is one of the only social gatherings in which it is acceptable to hold it at any time during the week, and people are permitted to put everything on pause in order to attend. Perhaps this is why it is a no brainer? There is very little opportunity cost with regards to a funeral, as you cannot lose your job, your friends/spouse/family cannot blame you, and essentially, the world will stand still so that you may attend. And so, with nothing to lose, we are free to attend. In thinking about this further, it is really only fair. As funeral's are so painful, there should be no downfall in attending and paying ones respects. As I attended one this week, the thought did occur to me that it is such a shame that one of the main events that draws all the people you care about into one room for you happens when you are no longer around. Seems like such a waste.

Making the decision to go to fundraisers, or to a play invites a little bit more of the weighing of options, pros, cons etc. As these two often demand the commitment of more than just time (and often monetarily) what is it that drives people to make such commitments? I would like to say some of it is curiosity? A sense of just looking for something out there, something different. I think supporting others in their efforts can come into play (pardon the pun) as it did for me... And the desire (in the case of a fundraiser) to help add to something bigger than oneself? Trying to attain Maslow's Self Actualization by reaching out to do good for others, for the environment, for the economy, or even for the world at large.

And then we come to the last category (of my events anyways) that of the bridal shower, and the BBQ. The BBQ offers a chance to merely catch up, to touch base with others, to enjoy other company. Whether they are with close friends, relatives, or people you only share a few things in common with, the decisions to attend stem from the concept of Opportunity Cost at it's very core. Bridal showers, however, invite a certain paradigm to them. They are almost always happy, they are always sort of an expected rite of passage, a marking-of-time, a pushpin in the roadmap of life. It is to support our fellow human beings, our peers, that we attend these events. And yet, we benefit as well, as we are able to step in to this roadmap and be a part of this rite of passage. We glimpse the road, and we mark time, and it is a sort of opportunity for us to re-evaluate our own roadmap, and (though we'd sometimes rather not) compare it amongst ourselves. This can make such an event hard or great, and can also determine our will to attend, or even how long we stay... In my case, I was just happy to be there, glimpse the road and say "I'm okay, you're okay, it's all okay. Carry on". :)

Social events are an opportunity to have a touch stone. To see others and have them see us. To remember we are all part of the same world, but are allowed, and even encouraged to view it and approach it differently. I am blessed to have so many avenues to explore this with. And I hope you are all more aware of the social events you attend, especially as the summer draws near. Make conscious decisions, and be present at the events. They are such rich opportunities for self and human nature discoveries!!

Random Readers Book Club #2 – ROOM by Emma Donoghue

As promised, I am coming to you now with a book review on Emma Donoghue’s slightly chilling book “Room”.

This book met with mixed reviews at our club last night. Some found it a difficult read as it is written entirely from the POV of a young child – who turns 5 in the first few words of the story. Some whizzed through it because it was so simply written. All of us, though, were able to agree that it was a tough subject, and forced a lot of reflection on the current state of the world.

A brief synopsis, as always:

5 year old Jack lives with his mother in a tiny 11x12 foot box, known to Jack as Room. A popular slogan found for the book goes “Room is all there is”. Jack has never been outside of Room. He was born there, and grown up there, and as far as he knows, there is no other world beyond Room. His mother ensures he develops both physically and intellectually by dividing their days into specific time slots for numerous and varied activities. These activities range from ‘gym’ where they do physical activity to “repeat” where they watch T.V. and the mother mutes it every once and awhile for Jack to repeat everything he can remember, thus developing his vocabulary.

Half of the book is spent developing these two characters, and describing in great detail the painstaking effort Jack’s mother puts into his development. This is then constantly overshadowed by an eerie sense of foreboding when they do much more sinister activities such as “scream” where they stand as close to the skylight as possible (the only vessel for natural light) and yell and scream at the top of their lungs. Or the strangeness of the mother flicking the light on and off at night for varying intervals of time. And finally, the visits from “Old Nick” throughout which time Jack is always hidden in the wardrobe, safe from the old man’s eyes. All of this leaves readers with a sense of uneasiness that builds until the reasons behind Room and their complete captivity is revealed.

While I will not delve into the plotline too much so as not to reveal the story, I will say they do eventually get out of Room, and are then forced to re-enter society. This becomes a task so enormous to Jack that he is then prompted to say the heart-wrenching phrase “In Room I was safe, and it’s Outside that’s the scary”.

The book left us all a bit empty as it does demand readers sit within their own unease for a good 54% of the book, and then forces them to confront the state of the world, and what people can be capable of. All from the innocence of a young boy’s mind, making it all the more heartbreaking. It also opens the door to many philosophical questions about the nature of our lives, and how much of our physical environments are tangible, and how much of them are merely our perceptions?

While I enjoyed the metaphysical and psychological aspects of the book, I did find it to have moments when it was a little disjointed. It seemed strange to me that this mother would spend so much time and effort to teach her child and protect her child and yet, once they re-entered society, she seemed to do a 180 and was suddenly very impatient with him. She would demand so much of Jack, seemingly frustrated that he was so slow at adapting to this strange new world. There was also discussion last night about the way they were able to get out of Room and how the process seemed to be a little far fetched. Many a CSI moment to it, and was a little hard to believe.

All in all, it was a great read. I liked the POV for the reason that it did offer euphemisms for some acts I was happy to turn my proverbial blind eye. There were also some beautiful imagery and similes/metaphors interwoven, one of which I’ll share below:

“When I tell her what I’m thinking, and she tells me what she’s thinking our ideas jump into each others’ head like coloring blue crayon on top of yellow that makes green.”

Lovely.

I also enjoyed the psychological look at how Jack would adapt to being outside of Room and trying to take on his new environment. Interestingly, while there was appropriate attention paid to the obvious immaturities with regards to social responses, the book also focused on the less obvious things of his challenge. Such as the fact that Jack had severe spatial problems, and would constantly be bumping into things. Having lived for 5 years in the same 11x12 foot space, he was so familiar with that environment, he didn’t develop that part of the brain which recognized new physical objects and created the process of learning how to avoid them.

Another poignant image was when the news and media began calling Jack the “Bonsai Boy” as in, Stunted Growth. He was mature in his vocabulary, math, etc. healthy and seemingly perfectly preserved like the bonsai tree. Yet, he was also stunted in that he had not developed in so many other (social) ways.

Emma Donoghue does a wonderful job with this book, and I do give her credit, though I also found some aspects at times uncomfortable and hard to face. Having said that, I believe that this was the point of the book, as Emma did not mean to leave anyone with the warm and fuzzies after reading. Though it does end with the promise of a new life for our mother and son, it still forces us to recognize there are dark facets to society, and the effects are so far reaching, we cannot even fathom.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you’ll come back in a month for our next book “Everyone is Beautiful” by Katherine Center. Kudos to Robyn for choosing, as the name suggests, what promises to be an uplifting great summer read.

Thanks again, and we’ll see you all soon!