20 Things I've Learned in the Last Year

I've been rolling these things around in my mind for awhile now and have finally decided to get them down on paper. Most of these things I had heard somewhere before throughout my 20 some years (;D) but didn't have an actual example that applied it to me specifically until recently. Some of these things were learned the hard way. But all of it was enlightening, and I hope you get something from them too ;D

1. People disappoint you. It’s a fact of life. And more often than not, it is purely unintentional.

2. Everyone is different. In the absolute most fundamental way. Everyone has different perceptions on everything because they have all grown up in a different environment, with different influences, and forming brain connections at different times etc etc etc.

3. Further to number 2 – Perception = Biased Perspective. This is often the basis for most arguments, disagreements and fights.

4. Further to number 3 – the belief that, in an argument someone is right and someone is wrong is not only narrow-minded but also, (and ironically) false. Most of the time, all parties are right because of the fact in number 2. People come at all things from their own heads. Metaphysically, since their upbringing, environment, beliefs, and experiences have drawn them to the conclusion they have, how can anyone say they are wrong?

5. Most things happen for a reason. And please keep in mind I’m only coming at this from MY OWN fairly sheltered experience. I am not commenting on rape victims, families of murdered members etc etc. Just from my own life, and the lives of people around me. And I did say MOST things happen for a reason. Not all.

6. Further to number 5 – there is a way to see the good in almost everything. There is a logical, theoretical, and mathematical way to apply the concepts of ‘The Secret’ to life. I have a vague understanding of this, but not quite concrete enough to write a dissertation ;)

7.  People change. But the paradigm here is that this statement includes you too. So the change may be small in the others, but when you change at the same time, the combined effect seems much larger.

8. The concept of Opportunity Cost is much more prevalent in most peoples’ decision making than they realize.

9. Crying is allowed. But there is a limit to how much other people tolerate. And that limit depends on many factors.

10. I have a theory on why there is so much divorce – up until the time we marry, we as a society are presented with everything in our lives in the construct of a specific timeline. School is only so many months of the year. Then, that particular SCHOOL is only so many years before you move to another. Even once graduated, the average person nowadays works at a job for 3-4 years. And then, standing up at the altar, we are asked to commit to something FOREVER, a concept we have NEVER had to consider before… Is it any wonder marriages fall apart in the first couple of years???

11. The statement “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or forever” is truer than most people realize, and causes a lot of pain when your idea of where a person should fit isn’t actually true. It is a sign of great maturity when you are able to see that your perception was off, and accept the real slot that person fits into.

12. Everyone has their shit/Everyone has their story. And there’s a time and place to delve into that. But again, balance. There needs to be a limit. And everyone should take turns both telling their story and listening to others’ stories.

13. There are people in the world who, to the rest of us, appear perfect, and blessed. The ones for whom everything goes smoothly. And for some of them, the ax never does fall. And I believe those people are here to be shoulders for those of us who do have more trials. They are our supporters, and we are better equipped to handle trials because of these people and their help.

14. It isn’t fair to compare trials. Because the most pressing pain for any given person is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced. So, regardless of the trial causing the pain, their pain is just as real as any others’.

15. We are social creatures. As much as I believe there is a way to achieve happiness purely within oneself, we still all need to feel important to others as well.

16. The world IS amazing. And there’s a lot to be said for seeing it, experiencing it, and appreciating it.

17. Most of the time, conflicts can be solved quickly because people are often only looking for the following: a) To be heard b) An apology (ie: validation).

18. Things will go wrong. It’s not about avoiding problems. It’s about how you deal with them.

19. Allow yourself victory. Sorry to say, but for the most part no one else is going to continuously build you up, and pat you on the back. So do yourself a favor, and do it FOR yourself.

20. There are so many things in the world that can stress us out. Really analyze the things that do, and decide if they are worth it. Because if they aren’t, there are many more things that are out there merely to be experienced, and marveled at. A much more worthy past time don’t you think?

Random Reader's Book Club #1: Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult

As promised, I will be commenting on the various books I'll be reading within my bookclub, The Random Readers. Our first selection was "Handle with Care" by Jodi Picoult.

If you don't know her, Jodi Picoult was the author of "My Sisters' Keeper" a highly well known novel that has now been fashioned into a movie. Handle with Care is basically just another version.

For those who do know her, Jodi Picoult delivered, in this novel, her traditional formula:

Moral Dilemna + Court Case + Bang over the head symbolism and parallel characters + Twist at the end = Handle with Care

An enjoyable read, if you go in with this expectation. Which I did. Having read both My Sister's Keeper, and Vanishing Acts, I was well aware of Picoult's style, and was not the least bit surprised by her latest work of fiction.

A brief synopsis:

A blended family of four (two adults, two kids) are dealing with one of the child's (Willow - as in bends but doesn't break) debilitating disease: Osteogenesis Imperfecta. As the name suggests, this disease has to do with mal-formed bones which are said to be 'brittle' and break at the drop of a hat. Willow breaks bones when she sneezes. And she will always be small as her bones will never grow to their full extent.

The major plot around this is that the Mother (Charlotte) is offerred the chance to testify in a lawsuit that could award her a large sum of money to cover Willow's needs both at present, in the future, and even beyond Charlotte's earthly existance as her care giver. However, the lawsuit is one of "Wrongful Birth" which suggests that had Charlotte known early enough about the disease from her accused gynecologist, she would have terminated the pregnancy. In other words, she has to swear she would've had Willow's birth prevented knowing full well Willow is old enough to understand, and knowing how the world will react (including her husband Sean, and her other daughter Amelia). Oh, and by the way, her gynocologist whom she is suing also happens to be her best friend, Piper. Yeah.

Of course, there's also Charlotte's lawyer, who, as with the lawyer in My Sister's Keeper, also has a side story pertaining to the dilemna. Finally, just for extra measure, Picoult makes Charlotte an ex-pastry chef, a career which continually demands the 'careful handling' of ingredients etc. To punctuate, Picoult ads a recipe for a different pastry every couple of chapters.

I did enjoy the novel, as it was easy to get through, and delivered exactly what Picoult always promises. As with any hit-over-the-head symbolism, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot. Mostly at the end, when the twist I had figured out a couple chapters prior turned out as expected. If you are fan of Jodi Picoult, bottom line: This novel will not disappoint. Jodi writes as though she is expecting to be read for a bookclub. So we did our part, and proceeded accordingly.

At the book club we discussed briefly the elements of the book that merit conversation. The moral dilemna of course as the main topic. Should someone be allowed to sue for "Wrongful Birth" if the baby is born less than perfect? How far away is this then from genetically engineered babies?

Personally, I think the lawsuit was justified. Yes, it was hard on the Mother, and the rest of the family. But when it comes down to it, Mama bear will always sacrifice for the good of her child. Even if it means hurting her a little bit in the present to reap greater rewards in the future.

There is one very powerful scene at the climax of the book where Charlotte is on trial, and is asked point-blank if she would've had Willow's existence terminated given the choice. Charlotte's response is absolutely perfect, and as a logicaly and metaphysicaly minded person, I ate it up. Essentially, Charlotte responded by saying that the question wasn't really applicable, nor justified because she now knows Willow inside and out, and loves her deeply, and wouldn't trade her for the world. It is impossible to answer a question about making a decision in the past now that she is in the future, and has the knowledge on the issue which she lacked at that time. The lawsuit was about the fact that she wasn't offerred the choice, not about which choice she would've made. Well done Jodi. Lovely use of the metaphysical and abstract!

I will not spoil the ending, and will not go into further detail to allow for your own reading pleasure, and opinion formation.

I'm pleased to announce it was my choice for the next book within the bookclub, and I have assigned Emma Donoghue's "Room". Stay tuned for its review next month ;D