Once again, Wednesdays weren't particularly significant for Dad and I per se. I do remember, however, that Dad often had breakfast meetings on Wednesday. This would entail getting up super early, and meeting a group of other business people downtown at a restaurant for a chance to network, and have breakfast.
I remember one time, probably around the beginning of May, when I was in College. I had finished schoolwork for the year, and was on the move looking for a job. There was a job fair downtown at "Hire-a-Student" that I attended. I dressed up in a skirt suit and felt very professional. When I was finished with the job fair, I called Dad. I told him I was downtown, and since it was around lunch time thought we could go for lunch. He was thrilled. I think his exact words were "that's a GREAT idea!!" Turns out, Dad had a lunch meeting - similar to his breakfast meetings just later in the day.
It worked out well for both of us. We both had lunch, and we both got to network. I remember feeling slightly unsure about having to stand up and say my talents and skills, but I also knew it was a great opportunity I couldn't pass up. I didn't end up getting a position through that meeting, but what I did get was experience. And the chance to public speak in front of strangers is always character building. That, and I got to have lunch with Dad.
Another thing I remember Dad doing on Wednesdays (once the breakfast meetings slowed down) was get up early and go swimming. For any of you close to Dad, you know he loved to swim, and he was very good at it. Very ironic then, that both his kids hated it. I took years to pass the first color in swimming because I was so terrified to put my head under water. It was the first time I ever refused the teachers. When Adam had swimming lessons at school, he used to hide his swimsuit in the garage so he wouldn't have to go! Poor Dad. No lifeguards in training here that's for sure.
Dad did try, though, to get me involved with Scuba Diving. This was obviously once I was older, and had passed all my swimming lessons. We took the Scuba lessons together - another thing Dad endeavored to do with his kids. Had Adam been older, I'm sure he would've been in there too. Sadly, I wasn't quite cut out for the Scuba thing either... I did the classroom and pool stuff just fine, but when we hit the lake, I had some panic moments. Dad was very patient (as you all know him to be) and we tried several times, but it just didn't work out. He ended up going out a few times with a friend of his, but it was not meant as one of our activities...
Another Wednesday - sometime in July, 2003, Dad suggested we go down to the Arbour Lake (community man-made Lake) and go fishing. Apparently, the lake had just been stocked, and it was one of those perfect Calgary evenings in the summer where the wind was still, the lake like glass, and the silence echoing. I choke up a bit when I think about it. Precious moments that you look back on. We caught so many fish that night. You are only allowed to take three at any given time from the lake, but we caught probably 5 or 6. It was like it was just us, out on the lake with the sun slowly setting, and the fish jumping all around. I don't even think Dad had finished baiting his hook before I caught the first one. I'll never forget his laugh... we laughed so much that night... Not the least of which when we were called over the intercom to come to shore. We guiltily looked at each other - worried we'd exceeded the two hour time limit to have the boat out, when we saw Adam on the shore waving frantically at us. Dad sped up the rowing, alarmed by the look of urgency we saw on Adam's face. When we got within shouting distance, to Dad's relief, Adam asked loudly a technical question about the computer. Oh the emergencies of a 12 year old!! (Sorry Dude!)
It was a beautiful evening. It was a beautiful Wednesday. It's funny - while I was never with Dad by the Ocean, being there always reminds me of him. And I think it's because of Dad's love of the water. Most of my Wednesday stories involved swimming and water activities. He loved the lake - he'd go and swim to the fountains and back. He loved the Okanagan Lake, and would swim in that too. He loved the water, and now, I feel closest to him when I am near the ocean, or by a lake. I think there are many studies about water and it's healing properties. Do try and get near lakes and oceans when you can. And say Hi to my Dad while you are there :)
Enjoy today. Enjoy Wednesday.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A week with Dad - Tuesdays
Actually, Tuesdays weren't really my days when it came to time with Dad. On Tuesdays, for most of my younger years, I went with Bonnie to Pioneer Girls - a more religious version of Girl Guides. What I do remember about Dad and Tuesdays is how amazing he was with my brother.
Adam always felt left out because I was able to go out on Tuesday nights with Bonnie. We thought of it as our Girls night out. Once Dad picked up on this, he immediately swung it around and it became "boys night". This usually involved Lego and snacks and... well, I don't really know - it WAS boys night after all :) It never occurred to me that Dad and I had Monday nights, and then Bonnie and I had Tuesday nights, so no wonder Adam felt left out... we are all in our minds, and it has taken me until now to see that. Good thing Dad was so much more intuitive than me! :)
As I grew older, I want to say that Tuesday's became piano lesson nights, but I could be wrong. That may have been Wednesdays. Either way, for the sake of this week, we'll say it was Tuesdays. That way I can talk about Dad and the piano...
Dad bought that piano when his grandmother passed away. I don't remember her much - I was quite young when this happened. But he also began taking lessons from a lady named Liz. She would come over once a week and he would have a lesson with her. His lessons didn't last long (but then again, neither did mine). And yet - once again, something I am so grateful for. Dad had a musical ear... many spoke about it, and my piano teacher looked for it in me (and I think she found some of it lingering). Dad's musical ear was much stronger than mine though. He could sit down and find the notes to a song that was in his head just by tapping it out. But his favorite song to do on the piano was "Send in the Clowns". Sometimes he would just go downstairs and pull out the music (just for show of course - I don't think he really followed notes - it sort of just slowed him down) and he'd play the tune slowly and with slight mistakes. It makes me smile just thinking about it.
I remember one time when I was a little girl and Liz was over for Dad's lesson. I had a small little plant - one of the ones that you convince your parents to get you when you are four and walking through home depot. It was seriously drooping, and it looked very sad on top of the piano. I was worried about it, and Dad was totally understanding and promised not to throw it out just yet. I went upstairs and was laying in my bed half dozing to the sound of Dad's lesson below when Dad was suddenly at my door - he said "Erin, come see!!" I came down the stairs to see my plant alive and well standing tall and full. Dad said he'd just given it some water - but I like to think it was his music, and the way the piano would coax out his gentle nature that nurtured the plant back to life. A small memory - and yet still cherished.
Dad gifted the piano to me in the last few conversations we had together. It still sits in the basement in Arbour Lake, but I will endeavor to move it to my place soon. I will have it tuned. And perhaps, like Karate, it will be a chapter I reopen again soon. I think we all know the first song I'll want to learn to play...
Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDm4EAlOHaM&feature=related
Enjoy Today. Enjoy Tuesday.
Adam always felt left out because I was able to go out on Tuesday nights with Bonnie. We thought of it as our Girls night out. Once Dad picked up on this, he immediately swung it around and it became "boys night". This usually involved Lego and snacks and... well, I don't really know - it WAS boys night after all :) It never occurred to me that Dad and I had Monday nights, and then Bonnie and I had Tuesday nights, so no wonder Adam felt left out... we are all in our minds, and it has taken me until now to see that. Good thing Dad was so much more intuitive than me! :)
As I grew older, I want to say that Tuesday's became piano lesson nights, but I could be wrong. That may have been Wednesdays. Either way, for the sake of this week, we'll say it was Tuesdays. That way I can talk about Dad and the piano...
Dad bought that piano when his grandmother passed away. I don't remember her much - I was quite young when this happened. But he also began taking lessons from a lady named Liz. She would come over once a week and he would have a lesson with her. His lessons didn't last long (but then again, neither did mine). And yet - once again, something I am so grateful for. Dad had a musical ear... many spoke about it, and my piano teacher looked for it in me (and I think she found some of it lingering). Dad's musical ear was much stronger than mine though. He could sit down and find the notes to a song that was in his head just by tapping it out. But his favorite song to do on the piano was "Send in the Clowns". Sometimes he would just go downstairs and pull out the music (just for show of course - I don't think he really followed notes - it sort of just slowed him down) and he'd play the tune slowly and with slight mistakes. It makes me smile just thinking about it.
I remember one time when I was a little girl and Liz was over for Dad's lesson. I had a small little plant - one of the ones that you convince your parents to get you when you are four and walking through home depot. It was seriously drooping, and it looked very sad on top of the piano. I was worried about it, and Dad was totally understanding and promised not to throw it out just yet. I went upstairs and was laying in my bed half dozing to the sound of Dad's lesson below when Dad was suddenly at my door - he said "Erin, come see!!" I came down the stairs to see my plant alive and well standing tall and full. Dad said he'd just given it some water - but I like to think it was his music, and the way the piano would coax out his gentle nature that nurtured the plant back to life. A small memory - and yet still cherished.
Dad gifted the piano to me in the last few conversations we had together. It still sits in the basement in Arbour Lake, but I will endeavor to move it to my place soon. I will have it tuned. And perhaps, like Karate, it will be a chapter I reopen again soon. I think we all know the first song I'll want to learn to play...
Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDm4EAlOHaM&feature=related
Enjoy Today. Enjoy Tuesday.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A week with Dad - Mondays
Here we are at another Monday. Unless Monday is a holiday, most people are not big fans of this day. Growing up, Mondays in our family were just another day of the week. Mondays were Karate nights. For those of you who knew Dad, you know Karate was a big part of his life. He started going to classes when I was about three years old. Well, that I can remember anyhow. There's a good chance he went before then, but I don't remember. I DO remember, however, that I would accompany Dad to class and would color in the corner. Or play with my dolls. That karate class sort of became another family to me.
One of Dad's favorite stories was one such time we were at one of the karate classes, and I was dutifully coloring on the sidelines. One of the potential new students was watching the class, and approached me to chat. He asked me if my Dad was in the class. I nodded. When he asked me which one was my Dad, I simply replied "the one in the white suit". Of course, in Karate, they all wear white suits. It's called a Gi and is basically the training uniform. But Dad loved the story. He would always say "she only had eyes for her Dad".
Dad agreed to teach a Karate class at the local community center on Monday nights. Partly so that I could start training. He taught two different classes - both the same night one after the other. The first class was for five-seven year olds and the other was eight to I guess fourteen ish. I was seven when he started this, so I was in the younger class for the first year. Then I moved to the second class. As I grew older, I was actually recruited to help teach the younger class. I remember one time when Dad was explaining that in Karate we address each other by last name. The six year olds were baffled that both teachers had the same last name - Mr and Miss Charman. Dad joked that we were married. As anyone over the age of 14 appears to six year olds as an adult, they bought it. He did then explain that I was his daughter, but the kids didn't seem convinced.
Karate was a huge part of my life, and it's entirely because of Dad and his love for it. I mentioned before that the Karate class was like a second family. After losing Dad it was hard to go back, and both my brother and I stopped going to classes - it was too much of a reminder of who was missing. But I carry karate with me in so many ways... Public speaking from watching our instructor, and demonstrating our katas. Breathing techniques from the meditation we did at the beginning and end of every class. The awareness of the body that comes from the training that I now apply in Yoga. Karate was a chapter I have since closed in my life, but have not thrown away, nor locked away. Perhaps I will return again. But in the meantime, it sits in my muscles, in my heart, in my soul. It sits with Dads memory, and his essence.
Mondays brought a time for Dad and I to go teach something he loved and believed in. I didn't always enjoy it. I didn't always look forward to it. But now I look back on it, and am so grateful for that time. For the many times I heard Dad recite the same speech about Kara-te and what it means. The stories that would be passed down to each class about ambition and how to not let it cloud your vision. I think about those stories and speeches a lot now. And they are for another time, another blog post. For now, I just revel in remembering Dad at the front of the class. Wondering if any of those six year olds remember him now. Those little ones didn't know how lucky they were to have shared time with my Father. But I do. And I am grateful every day!!
Enjoy today. Enjoy Monday.
One of Dad's favorite stories was one such time we were at one of the karate classes, and I was dutifully coloring on the sidelines. One of the potential new students was watching the class, and approached me to chat. He asked me if my Dad was in the class. I nodded. When he asked me which one was my Dad, I simply replied "the one in the white suit". Of course, in Karate, they all wear white suits. It's called a Gi and is basically the training uniform. But Dad loved the story. He would always say "she only had eyes for her Dad".
Dad agreed to teach a Karate class at the local community center on Monday nights. Partly so that I could start training. He taught two different classes - both the same night one after the other. The first class was for five-seven year olds and the other was eight to I guess fourteen ish. I was seven when he started this, so I was in the younger class for the first year. Then I moved to the second class. As I grew older, I was actually recruited to help teach the younger class. I remember one time when Dad was explaining that in Karate we address each other by last name. The six year olds were baffled that both teachers had the same last name - Mr and Miss Charman. Dad joked that we were married. As anyone over the age of 14 appears to six year olds as an adult, they bought it. He did then explain that I was his daughter, but the kids didn't seem convinced.
Karate was a huge part of my life, and it's entirely because of Dad and his love for it. I mentioned before that the Karate class was like a second family. After losing Dad it was hard to go back, and both my brother and I stopped going to classes - it was too much of a reminder of who was missing. But I carry karate with me in so many ways... Public speaking from watching our instructor, and demonstrating our katas. Breathing techniques from the meditation we did at the beginning and end of every class. The awareness of the body that comes from the training that I now apply in Yoga. Karate was a chapter I have since closed in my life, but have not thrown away, nor locked away. Perhaps I will return again. But in the meantime, it sits in my muscles, in my heart, in my soul. It sits with Dads memory, and his essence.
Mondays brought a time for Dad and I to go teach something he loved and believed in. I didn't always enjoy it. I didn't always look forward to it. But now I look back on it, and am so grateful for that time. For the many times I heard Dad recite the same speech about Kara-te and what it means. The stories that would be passed down to each class about ambition and how to not let it cloud your vision. I think about those stories and speeches a lot now. And they are for another time, another blog post. For now, I just revel in remembering Dad at the front of the class. Wondering if any of those six year olds remember him now. Those little ones didn't know how lucky they were to have shared time with my Father. But I do. And I am grateful every day!!
Enjoy today. Enjoy Monday.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
A week with Dad - Sundays....
I realize I haven't been updating this very often. The summer gets us all crazy with vacations, time outside, and just life in general.
That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it!! I really have thought, as before, that little life lessons would be great to write about... and yet and yet....
I ended up waiting, and now here we are. Back at a very significant week of the year. This year it's even more significant. When my Father passed away, six years ago, the day of the week was a Friday just as it will be this year. And so, I've decided to do a daily tribute for the days of the week until we reach Friday, February 10th, to honour him and share the significance of each day as I remember them to be with him.
One of my New Years' Resolutions this year was to be more grateful. And there is nothing I am more grateful for than the weeks and weeks and weeks that turned into 21 years of time with my Father. Time I only now continue to appreciate more and more. He is so much a part of me, not only physically, but in all the ways that make me who I am today.
As today is Sunday, and most Calendars actually begin the week on Sundays, I thought this was a good place to start.
To my Father, Sundays were exactly as I believe they were meant to be - family days. Dad was a religious man, and so we often began the day with a trip to church. While I still have mixed feelings about religion, I do believe there is a God, and I do believe him to be kind, and loving, and I do believe my father now rests in peace.
After church, we would go home and have lunch, often a bowl of soup or sandwiches. From there we would endeavour to do something as a family. A walk down in Bowness. A trip to Elbow Falls. Skiing. In the summer, there was always a festival to go to. It's funny, because as I was growing up, I didn't like doing activities outdoors. And yet, after I lost Dad, I seem to enjoy it that much more. He was definitely an outdoors man. And now I know why I am always antsy to do some sort of family activity on Sundays. It's because of the years of Dad upholding the tradition of Family Sundays.
Today is Superbowl Sunday. A big day in the States, and a big day to hang out with friends, eat chicken wings, and watch sports and funny commercials. I remember a similar such Sunday when Dad was still in the hospital when my family was invited over to a neighbours house to watch the game. I was visiting my mom that weekend when I got a call from the neighbour's son telling me that Dad had been given a day pass and was going to be attending the party. I was over there immediately. I'll never forget the pleased look on his face when I joined everyone at the table.
Enjoy Superbowl today! Enjoy time with friends! Enjoy time with family! Give your loved and cherished ones an extra squeeze today. Not because you don't know how much time you have with them, though that is true. But just because we have today. Because they are in your life, and are sharing time with you today. Enjoy today. Enjoy Sunday.
That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it!! I really have thought, as before, that little life lessons would be great to write about... and yet and yet....
I ended up waiting, and now here we are. Back at a very significant week of the year. This year it's even more significant. When my Father passed away, six years ago, the day of the week was a Friday just as it will be this year. And so, I've decided to do a daily tribute for the days of the week until we reach Friday, February 10th, to honour him and share the significance of each day as I remember them to be with him.
One of my New Years' Resolutions this year was to be more grateful. And there is nothing I am more grateful for than the weeks and weeks and weeks that turned into 21 years of time with my Father. Time I only now continue to appreciate more and more. He is so much a part of me, not only physically, but in all the ways that make me who I am today.
As today is Sunday, and most Calendars actually begin the week on Sundays, I thought this was a good place to start.
To my Father, Sundays were exactly as I believe they were meant to be - family days. Dad was a religious man, and so we often began the day with a trip to church. While I still have mixed feelings about religion, I do believe there is a God, and I do believe him to be kind, and loving, and I do believe my father now rests in peace.
After church, we would go home and have lunch, often a bowl of soup or sandwiches. From there we would endeavour to do something as a family. A walk down in Bowness. A trip to Elbow Falls. Skiing. In the summer, there was always a festival to go to. It's funny, because as I was growing up, I didn't like doing activities outdoors. And yet, after I lost Dad, I seem to enjoy it that much more. He was definitely an outdoors man. And now I know why I am always antsy to do some sort of family activity on Sundays. It's because of the years of Dad upholding the tradition of Family Sundays.
Today is Superbowl Sunday. A big day in the States, and a big day to hang out with friends, eat chicken wings, and watch sports and funny commercials. I remember a similar such Sunday when Dad was still in the hospital when my family was invited over to a neighbours house to watch the game. I was visiting my mom that weekend when I got a call from the neighbour's son telling me that Dad had been given a day pass and was going to be attending the party. I was over there immediately. I'll never forget the pleased look on his face when I joined everyone at the table.
Enjoy Superbowl today! Enjoy time with friends! Enjoy time with family! Give your loved and cherished ones an extra squeeze today. Not because you don't know how much time you have with them, though that is true. But just because we have today. Because they are in your life, and are sharing time with you today. Enjoy today. Enjoy Sunday.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Calgary Stampede
For any of you who know me, you know how much I live for Stampede. It is my favourite ten days in July, and, I always say, the only reason I'm still in Calgary. While I'm not into rides, or carnivals or rodeos, I do love how the city all bands together to play and take part in something for ten days straight.
This year, I have visitors staying in my house from Kuwait who, I believe, have never been to the Stampede. I decided to put together a little list of "Must-knows/haves" for Stampede. This is what it looks like:
CALGARY
This year, I have visitors staying in my house from Kuwait who, I believe, have never been to the Stampede. I decided to put together a little list of "Must-knows/haves" for Stampede. This is what it looks like:
- The Calgary Stampede 2011 will run from July 7th to July 17th (10 days and over two weekends). The city really does go crazy. Some locals head out of town to avoid it, and others revel in it. The city also at least doubles in population due to people coming from all over the world to attend.
- Jeans, cowboy boots, and cowboy hats are standard attire for the full ten days. You will see this everywhere. Even and ESPECIALLY Downtown Calgary
- Nightclubs double and triple their cover charges.
- There are “Stampede Breakfasts” all over town. This includes pancakes (generally two per person) bacon and/or sausage, a juice, and sometimes eggs. These are free, and only require you to show up and line up. I will provide a list of some that I know are in the area. The breakfasts sometimes also have little pony rides, face painting, and live music.
- The Stampede Grounds are named as such, and are around the Saddledome Downtown Calgary. C-Train or LRT is also a viable way to get down there. You can park at some of the main C-Train stations, and it drops you right at the grounds.
- Admission is $15 for adults $8 for kids (7-12) and free for 6 and under.
- Parking can be around $20/car depending on where you go. C-train is $2.75 for adults one way. Children less than that. If you go to any gas station or small convenience store they can give you books of 10 bus/c-train passes at a discount.
- There are fireworks every night on the grounds between around 10:30 and 11:30pm. This is because there is a Grandstand show put on by the “Young Canadians” which includes dancing, acrobatics, etc. The show starts at 8pm with the Chuckwagon races, and ends with fireworks. Tickets range from around $15 for rush seating (standing room, or far side seats) to several hundred.
- The Grandstand is also home to the Rodeo portion of the Stampede. Tickets also range for that depending on what you are looking to see. Tickets can usually be bought online at Ticketmaster, or on the grounds themselves.
- The Stampede is also a carnival, and therefore has a large ride, game and food section. You can buy individual tickets for the rides, or wrist bands for unlimited rides for the day. These can also be purchased on the grounds or in advance generally at a Safeway, or other major store.
- There exists a Coca Cola stage by the Victoria Park entrance to the grounds, and various bands play there every night. Refer to your guide for specifics.
- There is an indoor market for shopping (tradeshow) inside the large BMO centre. This is also attached to an arena for the Ice Show – a Must See for the kids!!
- Bell Rodeo X is also another great thing for kids. Usually a motor-cross show with acrobatics. Held in the middle of the grounds either in a large tent, or cordoned off area. Refer to the guide for more information.
- The grounds are essentially a LARGE parking lot. So you will be on asphault all day long. Wear comfortable shoes, have some kind of hat and lots of water/sunscreen.
- When looking at the Coca Cola stage, veer off to the left, and you’ll find Weedickville. By far the best deal on the grounds. Hot Dogs, slurpies, and sub sandwiches can be bought here for really reasonable prices. Good way to eat on the run!
HAPPY STAMPEDING EVERYONE!!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Social Events/Gatherings
In the last five days, I've attended a play, a fundraiser-type event, a funeral service, a bridal shower, and a general social gathering (BBQ), and I felt the need, per se, to comment on them. I think social events/gatherings can say a lot about human nature. After all, we are indeed social creatures. As I've said before, we really do need other people in our lives, much as some may argue, and much as some may hate to admit it. But truly, we do need to be with others. And there are innumerable ways of doing that.
Some ways are more interactive than others. For example, a BBQ holds more opportunity for interaction than, say, going out to a play. Some are more emotionally charged as in the case of a funeral service or perhaps a fundraiser, depending on what the funds are being raised for. Having run the full gamut of emotions this week (crying at funerals, and laughing at bridal showers) I really appreciate the diversity in my life. What's so amazing, is that this is available to all of us, in all our lives.
I invite you to think about your week, either just past, or coming up. Perhaps even extend that out to a month. What social events/gatherings did you attend. And, more importantly, WHY? Because to me, this is one of the most interesting questions to ask with regards to social events. When there are so many choices, so many varied activities, what is it that makes one choose an event over another? As mentioned in my 20 Things I've Learned This Year, Opportunity Cost is very prevalent in most peoples' decision making process. So, how do we rule out what we attend, and what we don't, and which cost is the least, and which benefit is the best? And are we always right?
Some gatherings are no brainers. Funerals are a good example of this. It is one of the only social gatherings in which it is acceptable to hold it at any time during the week, and people are permitted to put everything on pause in order to attend. Perhaps this is why it is a no brainer? There is very little opportunity cost with regards to a funeral, as you cannot lose your job, your friends/spouse/family cannot blame you, and essentially, the world will stand still so that you may attend. And so, with nothing to lose, we are free to attend. In thinking about this further, it is really only fair. As funeral's are so painful, there should be no downfall in attending and paying ones respects. As I attended one this week, the thought did occur to me that it is such a shame that one of the main events that draws all the people you care about into one room for you happens when you are no longer around. Seems like such a waste.
Making the decision to go to fundraisers, or to a play invites a little bit more of the weighing of options, pros, cons etc. As these two often demand the commitment of more than just time (and often monetarily) what is it that drives people to make such commitments? I would like to say some of it is curiosity? A sense of just looking for something out there, something different. I think supporting others in their efforts can come into play (pardon the pun) as it did for me... And the desire (in the case of a fundraiser) to help add to something bigger than oneself? Trying to attain Maslow's Self Actualization by reaching out to do good for others, for the environment, for the economy, or even for the world at large.
And then we come to the last category (of my events anyways) that of the bridal shower, and the BBQ. The BBQ offers a chance to merely catch up, to touch base with others, to enjoy other company. Whether they are with close friends, relatives, or people you only share a few things in common with, the decisions to attend stem from the concept of Opportunity Cost at it's very core. Bridal showers, however, invite a certain paradigm to them. They are almost always happy, they are always sort of an expected rite of passage, a marking-of-time, a pushpin in the roadmap of life. It is to support our fellow human beings, our peers, that we attend these events. And yet, we benefit as well, as we are able to step in to this roadmap and be a part of this rite of passage. We glimpse the road, and we mark time, and it is a sort of opportunity for us to re-evaluate our own roadmap, and (though we'd sometimes rather not) compare it amongst ourselves. This can make such an event hard or great, and can also determine our will to attend, or even how long we stay... In my case, I was just happy to be there, glimpse the road and say "I'm okay, you're okay, it's all okay. Carry on". :)
Social events are an opportunity to have a touch stone. To see others and have them see us. To remember we are all part of the same world, but are allowed, and even encouraged to view it and approach it differently. I am blessed to have so many avenues to explore this with. And I hope you are all more aware of the social events you attend, especially as the summer draws near. Make conscious decisions, and be present at the events. They are such rich opportunities for self and human nature discoveries!!
Some ways are more interactive than others. For example, a BBQ holds more opportunity for interaction than, say, going out to a play. Some are more emotionally charged as in the case of a funeral service or perhaps a fundraiser, depending on what the funds are being raised for. Having run the full gamut of emotions this week (crying at funerals, and laughing at bridal showers) I really appreciate the diversity in my life. What's so amazing, is that this is available to all of us, in all our lives.
I invite you to think about your week, either just past, or coming up. Perhaps even extend that out to a month. What social events/gatherings did you attend. And, more importantly, WHY? Because to me, this is one of the most interesting questions to ask with regards to social events. When there are so many choices, so many varied activities, what is it that makes one choose an event over another? As mentioned in my 20 Things I've Learned This Year, Opportunity Cost is very prevalent in most peoples' decision making process. So, how do we rule out what we attend, and what we don't, and which cost is the least, and which benefit is the best? And are we always right?
Some gatherings are no brainers. Funerals are a good example of this. It is one of the only social gatherings in which it is acceptable to hold it at any time during the week, and people are permitted to put everything on pause in order to attend. Perhaps this is why it is a no brainer? There is very little opportunity cost with regards to a funeral, as you cannot lose your job, your friends/spouse/family cannot blame you, and essentially, the world will stand still so that you may attend. And so, with nothing to lose, we are free to attend. In thinking about this further, it is really only fair. As funeral's are so painful, there should be no downfall in attending and paying ones respects. As I attended one this week, the thought did occur to me that it is such a shame that one of the main events that draws all the people you care about into one room for you happens when you are no longer around. Seems like such a waste.
Making the decision to go to fundraisers, or to a play invites a little bit more of the weighing of options, pros, cons etc. As these two often demand the commitment of more than just time (and often monetarily) what is it that drives people to make such commitments? I would like to say some of it is curiosity? A sense of just looking for something out there, something different. I think supporting others in their efforts can come into play (pardon the pun) as it did for me... And the desire (in the case of a fundraiser) to help add to something bigger than oneself? Trying to attain Maslow's Self Actualization by reaching out to do good for others, for the environment, for the economy, or even for the world at large.
And then we come to the last category (of my events anyways) that of the bridal shower, and the BBQ. The BBQ offers a chance to merely catch up, to touch base with others, to enjoy other company. Whether they are with close friends, relatives, or people you only share a few things in common with, the decisions to attend stem from the concept of Opportunity Cost at it's very core. Bridal showers, however, invite a certain paradigm to them. They are almost always happy, they are always sort of an expected rite of passage, a marking-of-time, a pushpin in the roadmap of life. It is to support our fellow human beings, our peers, that we attend these events. And yet, we benefit as well, as we are able to step in to this roadmap and be a part of this rite of passage. We glimpse the road, and we mark time, and it is a sort of opportunity for us to re-evaluate our own roadmap, and (though we'd sometimes rather not) compare it amongst ourselves. This can make such an event hard or great, and can also determine our will to attend, or even how long we stay... In my case, I was just happy to be there, glimpse the road and say "I'm okay, you're okay, it's all okay. Carry on". :)
Social events are an opportunity to have a touch stone. To see others and have them see us. To remember we are all part of the same world, but are allowed, and even encouraged to view it and approach it differently. I am blessed to have so many avenues to explore this with. And I hope you are all more aware of the social events you attend, especially as the summer draws near. Make conscious decisions, and be present at the events. They are such rich opportunities for self and human nature discoveries!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Random Readers Book Club #2 – ROOM by Emma Donoghue
As promised, I am coming to you now with a book review on Emma Donoghue’s slightly chilling book “Room”.
This book met with mixed reviews at our club last night. Some found it a difficult read as it is written entirely from the POV of a young child – who turns 5 in the first few words of the story. Some whizzed through it because it was so simply written. All of us, though, were able to agree that it was a tough subject, and forced a lot of reflection on the current state of the world.
A brief synopsis, as always:
5 year old Jack lives with his mother in a tiny 11x12 foot box, known to Jack as Room. A popular slogan found for the book goes “Room is all there is”. Jack has never been outside of Room. He was born there, and grown up there, and as far as he knows, there is no other world beyond Room. His mother ensures he develops both physically and intellectually by dividing their days into specific time slots for numerous and varied activities. These activities range from ‘gym’ where they do physical activity to “repeat” where they watch T.V. and the mother mutes it every once and awhile for Jack to repeat everything he can remember, thus developing his vocabulary.
Half of the book is spent developing these two characters, and describing in great detail the painstaking effort Jack’s mother puts into his development. This is then constantly overshadowed by an eerie sense of foreboding when they do much more sinister activities such as “scream” where they stand as close to the skylight as possible (the only vessel for natural light) and yell and scream at the top of their lungs. Or the strangeness of the mother flicking the light on and off at night for varying intervals of time. And finally, the visits from “Old Nick” throughout which time Jack is always hidden in the wardrobe, safe from the old man’s eyes. All of this leaves readers with a sense of uneasiness that builds until the reasons behind Room and their complete captivity is revealed.
While I will not delve into the plotline too much so as not to reveal the story, I will say they do eventually get out of Room, and are then forced to re-enter society. This becomes a task so enormous to Jack that he is then prompted to say the heart-wrenching phrase “In Room I was safe, and it’s Outside that’s the scary”.
The book left us all a bit empty as it does demand readers sit within their own unease for a good 54% of the book, and then forces them to confront the state of the world, and what people can be capable of. All from the innocence of a young boy’s mind, making it all the more heartbreaking. It also opens the door to many philosophical questions about the nature of our lives, and how much of our physical environments are tangible, and how much of them are merely our perceptions?
While I enjoyed the metaphysical and psychological aspects of the book, I did find it to have moments when it was a little disjointed. It seemed strange to me that this mother would spend so much time and effort to teach her child and protect her child and yet, once they re-entered society, she seemed to do a 180 and was suddenly very impatient with him. She would demand so much of Jack, seemingly frustrated that he was so slow at adapting to this strange new world. There was also discussion last night about the way they were able to get out of Room and how the process seemed to be a little far fetched. Many a CSI moment to it, and was a little hard to believe.
All in all, it was a great read. I liked the POV for the reason that it did offer euphemisms for some acts I was happy to turn my proverbial blind eye. There were also some beautiful imagery and similes/metaphors interwoven, one of which I’ll share below:
“When I tell her what I’m thinking, and she tells me what she’s thinking our ideas jump into each others’ head like coloring blue crayon on top of yellow that makes green.”
Lovely.
I also enjoyed the psychological look at how Jack would adapt to being outside of Room and trying to take on his new environment. Interestingly, while there was appropriate attention paid to the obvious immaturities with regards to social responses, the book also focused on the less obvious things of his challenge. Such as the fact that Jack had severe spatial problems, and would constantly be bumping into things. Having lived for 5 years in the same 11x12 foot space, he was so familiar with that environment, he didn’t develop that part of the brain which recognized new physical objects and created the process of learning how to avoid them.
Another poignant image was when the news and media began calling Jack the “Bonsai Boy” as in, Stunted Growth. He was mature in his vocabulary, math, etc. healthy and seemingly perfectly preserved like the bonsai tree. Yet, he was also stunted in that he had not developed in so many other (social) ways.
Emma Donoghue does a wonderful job with this book, and I do give her credit, though I also found some aspects at times uncomfortable and hard to face. Having said that, I believe that this was the point of the book, as Emma did not mean to leave anyone with the warm and fuzzies after reading. Though it does end with the promise of a new life for our mother and son, it still forces us to recognize there are dark facets to society, and the effects are so far reaching, we cannot even fathom.
Thank you all for reading, and I hope you’ll come back in a month for our next book “Everyone is Beautiful” by Katherine Center
Thanks again, and we’ll see you all soon!
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